"I'm going to the place where love and feeling good don't ever cost a thing."
Daughtry - Home
Home is where your heart is.
Yeah, sure I guess.
If that's the case, recently my home's been all over the place.
Home right now is really no more than a place to pass out after work. Sure, it's still my preferred place of passing out, but still.
Things used to be simple; a house is not a home did not apply, the two are the same. The house you lived in is your home.
Following your heart, getting it attached to something and grounding yourself, that's how we get ourselves through life.
For a while, home was a time. 6:45am. It was like the ultimate me time.
Associated with that time, there were two locations.
There was a little alcove opposite of the band room with a wooden bench. It's small enough that even in the fetal position, it's still cozy, yet it's big enough for me to be able to stretch out and lie there. It's an amalgamation of drywall, wood, and cement. The drywall brittle, the wood smooth, and the cement, filled with the marks of all the others who have enjoyed the little bit of safe haven.
The other was the gym. One light on out of the 12. The 800 people capacity facility, for 10 minutes is reserved only for me. I can choose to set up, I can choose to warm up, or I can choose to sit down, and accompany the 800 people worth of me.
6:45am was a magical time for me.
Come university, two more places are added, Chemistry, and Ladha.
I am doubting how homely Chemistry feels. My heart is flip flopping. I don't know if I want to treat it that way. It's not like a hospital residency, where getting in basically means devoting into it entirely. I am not bound by anyone but me to the 5 years I'm stuck in this place. All my heart needs to do is flutter, and I can be out of here.
Ladha is very similar. Although it's a lot more of a home is where my feet are situation. I'm there, almost always, so everyone teases that it is home. Pretty soon I would start believing it.
I just want to go home.