So Sure of Himself

Depending on who you ask, I am either a cocky bastard or someone who's scared shitless. I tend to believe that I'm an insecure version of the latter, so I pretended to be the former. For these last days of the Olympics before school starts, I figure it'd be a good time to start reflecting upon things I done, those that I haven't, and everything in between. (Everything before this basically means that Boris is too needy (probably because he's a true musician) ).

The first of the series will be things that I've never doubted. Of course, none of these lists will be exhaustive, but hopefully they will be a good mix in all of these.

In kindergarten, an eighth of my middle finger got cut off in a door. Lots of hoopla happened, at the school and at the emergency room. Fast forward a week later, during my first of many checkups, the doctor told me that it's unlikely that I will ever get full usage out of my middle finger. Everyone started worrying for me, but to the doctor I said
""
And as the picture proves, I was right.

In grade 7, when we were all "graduating" from elementary, there was this thing called the citizenship awards. It was only a few years young, and there were no real criteria for it. I remember about 4 days before, and I already *know* I won it. At this point, I had no idea that my friends (and others) all voted for me. Why? I was merely acquaintances with them at that point.
" "

The thing with these awards is that the more you get, the more you expect them. Had you told me that I wasn't likely to get my Spanish awards, I'd laugh in your face. It's funny when people got confused when they didn't win it. In my last 3 Spanish courses, I probably averaged a grade of 97. During my grade 12 year, I had a total of 14 marks off in the year, out of close to a thousand, and that didn't even include my bonus marks.

With that kinda grade back then, it seemed self evident why I didn't bother applying to "backup" schools. UBC was the lowest ranked school to which I applied. None of that "maybe you should apply for a college like Langara or Kwantlen" or "SFU" bullshit. And at the end, I didn't even completely apply to all the other schools.

Of course, more blatantly, was the stunt I pulled for my speech for treasurer candidacy.
" "
No, that seriously was it, I turned sideways.

A lot of these seem extremely silly now. Especially the last one, where I could've at least made a speech. UBC could've kicked my ass and not accept me, and I'd be left universityless (well, not really).

Lets see where this post would lead to next.

A Cellphone that a Hooker Won't Use

So it's official; my cellphone is dead. It went through the wash and will no longer function. Even the metal casing came off from all the blowdrying SOS I've tried performing.

So now onto another phone, and the need to regather phone numbers again (I've learnt my lesson and now my contact list saves on my sim card now).

So this has been a pretty bad series of events, but the good thing to come of it is that I get to make a PSA =) If you have old (functioning) cell phones that you no longer need, you can get it through charities to sex workers, as all emergency numbers function without a sim card =D

So I've started all these paragraphs with so's. I just want to point out that I noticed.

I'm done

Of sorts.

10 things you don't understand about Justin

So I've caught a few of those x things you didn't know about y, and I realized I must have done quite a few of those lists throughout the years. One of those things is definitely me talking about things that only I understand. Instead of explaining them, I thought I'll just throw a bunch more out there!

1. I hope the choking didn't leave much of a mark, physical or otherwise. Sure it might be an impressive thing to be able to tell your many many future kids, but hopefully nothing bad happens to you again <3

2. I'd love to go watch skating with you, if that's what we're doing.

3. You're the person I'd be if I didn't love myself as much.

4. I wish I can love myself as much as you do you, and in fact, you do me even.

5. I'm not doing a good deed, I'm just waiting for the curse to pass.

6. I'm annoyed that you guys pass on me, I'm pissed of the guys you did pick.

7. I need manilla. Vanilla. maybe a lil' bit of quesadilla.

8. Black (blue) is the colour (of my true love's hair (eyes)).

9. I feel like we're drifting, which makes me sad, but looking back, it's incredible we got together at all.

10. Imma put a big smile for a while. Nobody gots to know.

Deceit by Ignorance

Search up deceptive on google images and this is the first result that pops up. Towels that create the illusion that someone's naked legs were wrapped around you- not necessarily indicative of sex, but almost definitely sexual in nature. Alas, it is but a mere trick to deceive the eyes.

Wearers of a garmet like this most likely thought it was funny, but definitely meant for the deceit. I have nothing against them- it's the people that deceive people unintentionally that get my towels in a knot.

I'm a fan of reading into other people's words, so the saying of one sentence gives a paragraph of insight into the speaker. I'm not necessarily great at it, and naturally I make mistakes at times, but I accept that. However, sometimes, especially with someone new, I would start basing my relationship with them by some fundamental facts, only to have these "facts" be undermined a while later.

Usually mistakes on my part would be a result of me not hearing correctly or making silly judgment calls. However, recently I've made 2 bad assumptions (or in the very least, these bad assumptions were revealed to me) in which I heard them correctly, and looking back, in one case my assumption still seems valid, and in the other, I don't think I even needed to assume. But yeah, these two bad judgment calls are going to cost me quite a bit =/.

Hopper's Nighthawk

My last art class was in elementary school- I have always been a bank geek, and perhaps always will be. I remember looking at countless lilies by Monet, and wondering why we were supposed to be fascinated by dots that form shapes which give way to images. A lot of repetitive questions were asked: "How does it make you feel?"; "Why are the colour choices so?"; and "What is the role of contrast?". Back then I had difficulties interpreting those questions, and try as I might, I always fail to provide the answers my teacher wants. Maybe Monet had troubles focusing and to him his paintings were like anyone else's.

Wrong.

We were always told to "Think like the artist". I never understood what that meant; does my teacher actually believe that I can think like a middle aged white male at the age of 12? Needless to say, I never done well in Arts.

In high school, some of the humanities courses would ask to interpret pictures or diagrams, and with me, they were often hit or miss. I still try to evaluate pictures sometimes, but they are often more like criticizing the Chemical reaction clouds in my sociology text.

Then a friend linked me to this picture, Hopper's Nighthawk. Instantly, I got it.

Loneliness.

Seconds later I felt like crying. I didn't need to put myself into Hopper's shoes; I've worn them my whole life to the point where the soles are all but gone. The colours? dark, amorphous. The contrasts? my guy versus the couple, and even then, the couple aren't that happy.

A few seconds after that, I was back to Chemistry.

Text from last night

"Alex is here... get some collateral if you can... left nut if necessary."
- E

So I got the dreaded "Your memory is 95% filled" on my cell phone yesterday, and went through my messages as a last check, just to make sure I didn't lose any important phone numbers or addresses. That's where I found this gem from a few weeks back. One of the few messages that survived the cleaning. Lots of problems with this one.